Baby mama drama?

I have a 13 year old step son who lives in a different satte then us he wants to live up here but his mom says no she has sole custody (divorced 7 years ago) we have been involved actively in his life for the past six years, at home with his mom she is never there always at her boyfriends, leavng her 4 kids to make their own dinner every day....his siblings get more privs then him, his mom will buy siblings things but not hiom, leaving it up to us to buy his school clothers every year....shoes evry few months, school supplies and pay for him to come up here to visit, will not meet half way..nothing...we pay $400 dollars a month in child support on top of everything we supply him with..just venting I guess,interested in peoples opinions and ideas of how to get his mom to change her mind,....we love having him here, he comes for the ENTIRE summer, christmas break and we go down there during the school year, talk on the phone daily, txting, e-mail etc...any ideas or support appreciated

Baby mama drama?
Wow, in a way (and I will explain) I envy you. This is a tough situation, but you and your husband have the option of filing for custody. Having him (your stepson) write a letter to the judge that has handled the custody agreement will help. Make a list of all the things that you need to provide for him - and keep track of everything. Keep all his emails, txts, letter, and your phone bills to show your involvement in his life. I read your other question, and she sounds like a deadbeat mom. The fact that she allows a 15 yo to smoke and is merely "working on it" to get him to stop - what happened to "No smoking in my house and you will get treatment"? What else is going on that she is allowing? If she is not there, how would she even know?





The question is, does he want to come live with you? Would he resent you if you did get custody? And if you are serious, think about hiring a PI to document that she is not caring for him in the manner that she should and that due to that his father (not being mean, but that is who the court will listen to) is concerned for his safety and wellbeing.





The reason I envy you is I have a stepdaughter that I am VERY worried about, but her mom is a lot more covert in her neglect, and there is not a lot that we can do to change custody. We'd have to get her on tape in an orgy selling and smoking crack first, and while I do not care for her, she is not doing that sort of neglect. I wish that there was a way for us to legitimately get custody and give this girl a channe at a life that doens't involve a baby before 20 and marriage soon after.





As for the person who flamed you for being a step...oh well. I love my stepdaughter like I love my sons - just because I didn't give birth to her doesn't change the way I love her - I have been in her life for about 6 years also. I understand. I wish you and your husband the best, and I hope that you go see a lawyer who can give you a very good idea of what your chances of success are.
Reply:take her to court for custody . he is old enough for the judge to hear who he wants to live with.
Reply:I don't think his mother will give him up because it sounds like she needs him as a sitter for her other children. You should try to get your husband to seek joint custody and within a year full custody. If he has a great relationship with his son then joint custody should not be a problem.
Reply:Have your step-son write an appealing letter stating that he wants to live with his father and the reasons why to the jugde. Hire a lawyer and take the matter to court. Be sure you can prove that you and his father can be a better parents, not only what you had done in the past, but what you will do in the future.





You need to sit down with your step-son and make sure that this is something he wants to do. Have him to clearly stipulate that he promise to obey you and his father. Make sure he understands the rules of the house and dispel to him the effort, time and money that you going to use in order for him to live with you.





It is so important that your step-son knows that he must take responsibility and you must share with him the expectation of his behavior. Once you have planted these things into his head let him think about whether he wants to live with you and your husband. Give him at least two days, and if he says yes, ask him why?





The reason why you are fulfilling his thoughts is because he is become of age and these are the difficult time for him. You don't want to do all of these for him and yet be pounded with problems.





God Bless
Reply:YOU KEEP ON ABOUT "YOU" WHAT ABOUT HIS FATHER ? IT'S HIS KID NOT YOURS. IT'S DADDY'S BUSINESS TO DO WHAT HE FEELS IS RIGHT. YOU'RE THE "STEP" MOM AND YOU NEED TO "STEP" ASIDE. YOU ARE NO ONE TO TRY TO MAKE CHANGES.





THIS KID IS 13 YRS OLD. WHO KNOWS MAYBE HE'S EXAGGERATING THE TRUTH A BIT THINKING IF HE GOES WITH YOU GUYS HE'LL GET AWAY WITH THINGS MOM DOESN'T ALLOW.





AND SO WHAT IF YOU GUYS BUY HIM CLOTHES AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF...REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE PAYS IN CHILD SUPPORT. THAT'S WHAT PARENTS ARE "SUPPOSE" TO DO FOR THEIR KIDS.


BESIDES HOW FAR CAN $400.00 A MONTH GO ?


THAT'S NOTHING.





SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NOT A "MOM" YET...ONE DAY WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THE DUTIES OF A FATHER AND WHAT A MOM EXPECTS.





SIT DOWN AND TAKE A BREATHER...IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM TO SOLVE.



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